Tham khảo tài liệu 'kaplan toefl ibt fourth edition part 46', ngoại ngữ, toefl - ielts - toeic phục vụ nhu cầu học tập, nghiên cứu và làm việc hiệu quả | Chapter 4 Writing 507 The first reason that I disagree that zoos are beneficial and educate the pubic s that they don t provide eduGsticn. which can come from schook that can leech people more. People who visit zoos can t learn ver much about the anima s because the animals which are Kept in cages and small areas don t do a lot white the peopte who can t touch the animate must walk around and can t sec very much because the animate can t do anything. The fact that the people aixf animals are separated which was boring for me when I w cc to a zoo n because people must be protected but ahmate are kept h small cages and spaces which is unfair ano maybe mates them angry and more dangerous to people The writer uses long sentences with many adjective and adverb clauses. Students who want to gain extra maiks for grammar often overuse adjective and adver b clauses. The paragraph above is an example of this overuse. Although the grammar is technically correct the style is very awkward. Because the sentences are very long the style could be called long-winded or rambling. It is not only difficult and risky to write extremely long sentences due to the possibility of error but it is also confusing for the reader. Notice how you have probably forgotten the beginning of the second sentence by the time you finally finish it. Long sentences contain many ideas and a reader has trouble identifying and remembering your mam point. Avoid this kind of style. The actual TOEFL exam is not the appropriate place to use tricky unfamiliar sentence structure. Use sentence structure that you have used in the past and keep the sentences short. You will not only make fewer errors this way but you will also be more confident. This will allow you to summarize more thoroughly and argue mure persuasively. Look at the following rewrite of the paragraph above first I disagree with the educational benefit of zcos bozause they don t provide education. People team more at school However visitors to a zoo
